Dude you talk in circles. You posted this 7/17/2011ArgusWest wrote:18 some odd years ago I was introduced to the fellowships..
Between that introduction and now..
100+ admissions to detox..
4 residential programs.. 6 months, 1 year, 2-90 day..
5.5 years in prison.. Couplea months, a year, 18 months, 6months, etc..
All possesions, 1 BnE..
Lived the street junkie life for almost a decade..
Lost family respect, a wife, a grate career I loved, and most of all, myself..
I did the geographical cure and beat feet 300+ miles away..
Built a decent existance, job, car, grate gal, house, dog...
But then I showed up..
Almost 9 months ago I found myself again eatin outta garbage cans livin on the streets of Providence with a monster dope habit speckled with a cocaine binges..
Homeless, helpless, hopeless..
I was again locked up...
Tiny stay in the scheme of things, 90 days and mandated completion of a residential program..
But I honestly feel that I finally took step 1 when I was locked up..
Admittin that I was an addict/alcoholic, AND my life was unmanageable..
I couldnt live a life using drugs..
I started to meditate, pray if you will, nightly..
I felt that i was startin to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore me to sanity.
I was fucking nuts.. I proved that to myself ova an ova again..
Maybe these AA/NA guys know what they are talkin about..
Now step three was usually the downfall of my program..
My job if you told me about yer spirituality ( god forbid ya called it RELIGION ) was to tear holes in it an tell ya how weak you were for it.
But then I began to see it in a new light.
I had humbled myself enough ( step 2 ) to realize I cant do this alone.
So I began to ask for help, for guidance..
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
My god has no face, no name, jus a feeling.
I ask for help in the mornin, and I thank him at night..
I have been sober for 6months an 25 days as of today.
I goto meetins when I can, I speak when I need to.
My life is good today.
I respect people.
I think before I open my mouth.
I accept things I can do nothin about.
I change the things I can.
The obsession to use/drink has honestly been lifted from me.
Again, life is good...
But Im gettin to the point that I want to continue on this journey..
I believe I can be an even better person by continuing with the steps..
So here is weir I ask the question that started this ramble..
Does ne1 have experience with AWOLS..?
Im in northern NH and interested in joinin one..
Or better yet..
How do I find out where they even are...?
I really only was gonna ask a one sentence question..
I shoulda started with " Im a grateful recovering addict/alcoholic.. My name is Rich.. "
Didnt even kno they had colors other than silver for years...!
Was introduced to the fellowships over 15 years ago..
Was clean for 14 years till right around my 15th birthday
Have not been sober this long since..
Got a lot of rebuildin to do with this life I choose to lead...
All shits an giggles it has not nor will not be.
Yet, my worse day sober is far betta than my best day usin...!
Moved back up N an have to get connected here now.
Hittin a beginners>speaker discussion meetin tonite.
Jus checkin in..
May the force be with you.